Voices For Life

The Bible defines faith: Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1 KJV)

It’s often easy to have faith when there are no storms or trials in life. When there’s nothing going on, we usually have no problem at all in having faith. After all, why would there be a problem in having faith when everything is fine?

The real test of our faith is when the storms come. And the storms do come, sometimes in droves. When trials occur in life, that’s when our faith is often tested. But how does a person find or keep faith when it seems that everything around them, their very life even, is falling apart?

Sometimes when a storm comes, it tears down the old things, making way for the new. Granted, the tearing down of the old is often painful. There are memories in what was, some good and some bad. There is also the fear of change with the tearing down of the old. But, the only way something new, better, and stronger can be built up is for the old to be torn down. Hence, the storms of life. This is where faith comes in. We have to have faith that what we cannot see is there, that what we need will be provided in the right time.

Faith is something that will take us through not only the easy times in life, but also through the darkest and roughest storms that life brings. For the man who has sworn off loving again because of past hurts, he has to have faith that there is the one that will be all that he wants and needs and more, and won’t ever hurt him, but rather will protect him for all harm. For the girl who got pregnant as a teen and fears no man will want her and her child, she has to have faith that there is a man that will not only love and want her, but love and want her child as his own. For the family that lost their home and all they own to a fire and no money to replace any of it, they have to have faith that a home will be provided and all the things they need for it. And the thing about faith is that all that we need will be provided, it is provided, when and how the time is right.

You might be in need of better housing but are unable to afford it. You might wonder how you will obtain what you cannot possibly afford the down payment for a new one. Then one day there’s a hurricane coming your way and you are forced to leave your home and almost all you own behind as you evacuate. The hurricane spawns several tornadoes and between those and the hurricane force winds, your home is one that is destroyed. As soon as you hear the news, you are distraught over the loss of your home. But immediately, you are also joyful, because you have faith that all will be fine. A few days later you learn that the insurance you have paid in for years is just the exact amount you need for a down payment for a new home.
Faith is knowing that a way will be provided at the right time, when it’s needed. Faith is trusting wholeheartedly that what you need will be provided on time. It’s believing and trusting and knowing that you will be taken care of, that your needs will be fulfilled.

The storms of life will come and clear the old, making way for the new. Faith tells us that even in the midst of the storm that all will be okay, that faith is the core of all that we hope for but don’t yet see.

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It’s a fact of life that sooner or later, we are going to have our hearts broken by someone that we love. When a relationship ends, we are left with an emptiness, a void, where there was once a person we were either dating or living with. When we are ready to get back into the dating scene, there are some helpful tips to help start a new relationship.

The number one thing you want to remember is that the rest of the world didn’t break your heart, the one person did. It’s important to remember that just because Fred cheated on you doesn’t mean that Bob or Gordon will do the same. Just because Wanda ran off with the cereal factory tester doesn’t mean that Betty will do the same. Keep in perspective that everyone else shouldn’t pay for the pain that one person caused you.

Don’t jump from one relationship to another. It’s not wise to immediately start dating after the end of a long relationship. The rebound effect will most likely kick in and you could likely fall for anyone in the attempt to fill the void left by your former dating partner or spouse. Allow yourself time to heal before you date again.

Start slow! Make dates that are fun and enjoyable, but where there is no pressure on you or your date for anything other than just enjoying each others company. Dates with another couple are a good idea because it gives the added benefit of not being alone with a date too soon.

If you are not ready to get serious with someone again yet, it’s a good idea to make it clear up front that you are fine dating as friends, but that you want to keep it at the friend level. It’s not a good idea to keep this to yourself and to lead the other person to believe you are more serious than you really are. Keeping dates on a friendly level after coming off of a broken relationship is beneficial because you get to know the person, and you can build your trust back up while continuing to heal from the broken relationship, and you can be sure you are not just dating on the rebound from the previous relationship.

It takes time to learn to trust again and to love again. When a relationship ends it’s natural to want someone else to be in your life. Starting to date again is the first step in finding the person who is not only a good friend, but the one who understands you, who listens to you, encourages you, and believes in you. To begin dating again is the beginning of a wonderful new relationship.

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There is simply no escaping it. Sooner or later, you are going to run into and have to deal with an angry and bitter person or persons. Unfortunately, it’s a fact of life. Someone is angry, bitter, upset, jealous, mad, enraged, and you just happened to cross their path. So what’s a body to do when they are faced with this wild beast known as an angry human and they are bent on taking their frustrations with their life out on you?

There are several options open in how to handle an out of control person. Remember that for a person with chronic anger control issues, the anger is their problem, it’s eating at them. It’s not about you at all. You just happen to be the one they are crying out to for help. How you choose to deal with the angry person can not only help you but perhaps even help lead the angry person to peace.

The first option would be to run the other way. That’s easy to do if you happen to be in a store or something of the sort, but not so easy if you are around this person often due to school or work situations or something similar.

The second option is to strike back with a vengeance. This is human nature. When someone hurts you, our first initial reaction is often to return hurt for hurt and pain for pain. But this isn’t right. Returning vengeance for a wrong done only makes you look bad, and it only puts a burden on your heart. The angry person is seeking love and acceptance, but often they are so filled with anger, bitterness, strife, and jealously that love simply has no room in their heart.

The third option is the hardest but the most rewarding, and that is to listen to the person and let them throw all the anger they can muster at you because the angry person isn’t really striking at us to hurt us, even though that often happens. They are striking at us in hopes that we are strong enough to handle what they are throwing at us, needing someone not to run away, but to listen to them.

An example: Nicole started a new job at a hospital helping to prepare meals for the patients. Kathy, who had been there several years, was her supervisor. The first day on the job, Nicole was the constant target of Kathy. Nicole could do nothing right, no matter how hard she tried. Kathy would go behind her and berate everything she did, telling her it wasn’t done correctly. Nicole went home and cried, already hating her new job. But she returned the next day. Kathy was worse. Kathy followed behind Nicole, and would immediately tell her that whatever she did needed improvement or wasn’t correct. Again, Nicole went home in tears, convinced now that Kathy hated her, even though she didn’t know her at all. Yet, she returned to work day after day.

Kathy, who was shocked at being confronted with her bad behavior, broke down right there. She started telling Nicole how her husband had died six months earlier and she was left not only with a child to raise alone but horribly in debt and health issues that would soon force her to be unable to work full time any longer. The worry and stress, the pain from the loss of her husband, and the health issues turned a loving woman into a bitter and angry woman, and Nicole was an innocent target. What she never counted on was that Nicole wouldn’t run away, but chose to deal with the anger and bitterness, and chose to listen to her. That was the turning point in Kathy’s life. Someone actually cared enough to take the hate that she threw at them and see it for what it really was, anger and hurt and bitterness.

While this surely is not the care for all people that are angry, it can be something similar. Often a person behaves badly because of jealousy and anger. It’s not about you at all. It’s about them. They simply target you. It doesn’t matter that the person doesn’t even know you or anything about you. Remember, it’s not about you. They aren’t angry at you. They aren’t bitter at you. They are angry with their life and bitter about their life. They might very well be jealous of you however. Often when a person has chronic anger issues, they are often jealous of the peace that you have. They don’t understand how you can be so at peace and so joy filled when they are so filled with rage and hate and take it out on you, yet you don’t return that rage and anger to them. That in itself makes them angrier because they want that peace. But instead of seeking that peace, they attack you even further, all in vain attempts to make themselves feel better, but only sinking themselves deeper into an anger filled pit.

When a person who is filled with anger, seemingly towards you, the best way to deal with them is to simply remember the fact that it’s not about you, it’s their problem, their issue. How far into listening and trying to befriend them is up to the individual. When you keep in mind that their anger is indeed THEIR anger and THEIR problem and THEIR issue, then you can see that it’s not you they are angered at after all, but rather they are angry and upset at something in their own lives. While it’s admirable to want to help them out of that anger pit, that has to be something the angry person wants. If they are too wrapped up in their hate to even realize how badly they are behaving, then the best way to deal with them is to walk away and let them wallow in the anger. If they truly want help out of that anger, there’s hope and peace waiting.

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There is a wonderful and adorable creation known as Man. There’s even a 50/50 chance that you are one of these men. Down through the ages, Man has sought to know more about Woman, how she thinks, what makes her tick, what she wants, and how to satisfy her. While there has been some success among the male persuasion in identifying what females want, there are still a significant amount of men who are at a total loss on just what a woman wants.

While these relationship tips cannot possibly speak for all of the female persuasion, they might possibly speak for at least 99.99% of all womankind, or perhaps one.

Most women, if given a choice, would much prefer hugs and snuggling over making love. This isn’t to say we don’t enjoy sex or want it, but most of us actually prefer the romance that comes with cuddling on the sofa and watching a nice movie with our man. We love it when we can give hugs and kisses and it just be because we want to hug and kiss our man, and not necessarily be doing it because we want sex. The sex act is great, but it’s second fiddle when it comes to what we really want, which is just spending quality time with you. And while admittedly we don’t generally care much for the manly action movies, we watch them with you because we love to see how excited they make you. The same goes for a football game.

Women love it when her man thinks of her in ways that don’t involve hopping into bed or spending money on material things. Women like the idea that their man is thinking of them. Little notes left for us, an email to say hi, or a message left on the answering machine are sweet and thoughtful ways to show you care while telling your woman you’re thinking about her. Again, this isn’t to say we don’t enjoy making love to you, this just shows us that you see more to us than a body.

The Toilet Seat dilemma has been raging since the invention of the toilet seat lid. Throughout the history of the toilet seat lid, women and men have fought over up or down. The truth is most women don’t really care if it’s up or down, they just argue with the man over it, so that they can give in, to make the man feel as though he has won the Toilet Seat battle. Women love their men so much that they want the man to feel that the Toilet Seat is their victory, so we let you keep it up so that you don’t have to reach down and pick it up when using it, thereby showing our love for you by reducing the amount of work you must do to use the bathroom.

We love the idea of being around our man all the time, as much as possible. But because we know that, as females, we tend to nag, we know you want your space so we give it to you. But we do it in subtle ways so as not to make it obvious that we know you want your space. So we ask you to do things like take out the trash or mow the grass or go to the store for us. This works great for the women because something gets done that needs doing and we show our love for you yet again by giving you space and time away from us.

Women love it when you want to cook for us. What woman would turn that down? But as much as we love the idea of our man cooking, we really prefer that you don’t attempt this at home unless you are trained. We are just as happy with take out, delivery, or roughing it for a weekend on the lake and living off the fish you catch and clean and fry.

Females are not the least bit upset when her man is driving and gets lost. Well, most are not, but of course there is always the wild woman exception. Women though, do tend to get a bit peeved when her man insists that he isn’t lost and refuses to ask for help or directions from anyone, and when he insists that the map is wrong and he is right. While most men are surely not this way, there’s always a chance that a stray man might happen upon this tip and need to be reassured that it’s okay to ask for directions and help when lost, and okay to actually admit that he is indeed lost.

The one main thing that women want men to know is that when she is in labor and having a baby, it’s never okay for the man to tell the woman that he understands her pain and suffering while she is pushing that baby out of a place that surely was never intended for such a thing to pass through. The closest a man can ever come to knowing that a woman is going through is to swallow a grapefruit and then attempt to wee wee this grapefruit out of his body, all the while his woman at his side holding his hand and telling him what a good job he is doing and how she understands his pain.

Men should always bring his PMSing woman chocolate. While it’s a great thought when she is PMSing, keeping her stocked with chocolate shows just how much you care, even more.

Letting the woman you love know how much you care is really a simple matter. It’s not about saying you love her all the time. It’s the little things like accepting her for herself, letting her know she is pretty even when she thinks she isn’t, talking to her and telling her how you feel, being there for her when she needs someone to lean on, letting her hold you up when you need someone to lean on, and just treating her and loving her the way you want her to treat you and love you.

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One of the main quests in life for a woman is to find the right man that she can not only love but be happy and content with, and actually like. Fishing for a man can bring in a lot of catches on the hook, but most need to be thrown back in, not because of any flaw on the man’s part, but because they simply are not right for you.

In order to be successful in finding the right man, a woman first needs to know herself and she needs to love herself. Loving yourself is paramount to a relationship working out. Knowing who you are, your likes and dislikes, your feelings about various things, and your own personality are key factors necessary for a healthy relationship. Generally speaking, you want a man that matches your personality.

That sounds easy enough, but it’s not that simple. Too often both men and women bottle up their emotions, their feelings, their thoughts. Maybe it’s for fear of rejection, maybe they are afraid to share how they truly feel, maybe they don’t even know how to share, maybe they are just scared to love again after past hurts. Whatever the reason, in order for a relationship to work, both parties have to be open and be themselves so that who they are shines through, rather than hidden behind a wall.

The kind of man you want should be someone that accepts you for who you are and loves you as you are. He doesn’t want to change you. He doesn’t criticize your looks. He doesn’t make you feel inferior or that you aren’t good enough. He loves you as you are, loves your personality, loves everything about you. He is open and honest with you. He won’t tell you what you want to hear, he will tell you the truth. He’s understanding and considerate, and he listens when you share your intimate thoughts and feelings with him.

The next thing to consider when fishing for a man is everyday life. A woman should look for a man that she can share daily life experiences with. If you aren’t whatsoever into outdoor activities, chances are that you will not be happy with a man that lives to camp, fish, hike, or climb mountains. If you absolutely love the opera and he hates it, that’s workable. If you cannot live without making every opera ever performed, and he hates it, you might want to look for a man that loves the opera. If he loves home cooked meals and you are allergic to the kitchen, you might want to look for a man that is into takeout and eating out. If you want wild monkey sex every single day and think sex is all there is to life and he isn’t all that into sex, you might want to look for a monkey instead of a man.

Compatibility is necessary for a happy and healthy relationship. But to be compatible, you simply must know yourself and be yourself. Being true to yourself will allow you to hook the right man, the one that is compatible with your personality.

We all want to be loved and accepted. But too often we want it so bad that we settle for anyone, even if we love them and they love us. Unfortunately, just loving someone isn’t a reason to marry them. The reason is that even though it might be love, if the personalities clash, it won’t last. A woman wants to find a man that fits her.

While there are always exceptions to this, in general a woman wants to fish for a man that is a fit for how she thinks and feels, that loves her for who she is in all ways, that has the same likes and dislikes for the most part, that she can share her intimate thoughts with, and that she can trust.

If however you are only fishing for a man that’s got money and material things, it’s best to throw the fishing pole away right now. The last thing a woman should ever do is look for a man to take care of her financially. That is the most wrong reason there can be to look for a man. If you’re not in it for love and for the man, don’t be in it. Not only is it wrong, it’s not going to work. Men shouldn’t be used or hurt, and to want one only so that he will take care of you is just plain wrong. Money can be gone in a heartbeat, and it doesn’t keep you warm at night like love does.

On the other side of the coin is the man that only wants a woman for her looks. If the man you are interested in is only into looks and uses you for a trophy on his arm, throw him back and look for one that loves the real you, the real you that’s underneath the skin. If he doesn’t like who you are as a person, throw him back and look for one that loves you for you. Looks fade, but real beauty stays because it’s underneath the skin.

In order to hook the man that’s right for you, get to know yourself. Go fishing for the man that makes your heart smile, that is always there, that loves who you are, that makes you laugh, that’s honest with you, and that know how you like your chocolate.

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If you don’t like the person you are, chances are high that any relationship you are in or get into will fail. In order for a relationship to flourish and to grow, a person needs not not only like themselves but also to love who they are. Loving yourself is paramount to having a successful and loving relationship.

The divorce rate today is higher than at any other time in history. People marry for the wrong reasons, they marry the wrong person, and more so, they marry too soon. Not only do they not know they person they marry, they often don’t know themselves or even like who they are as a person.

Many divorces occur because incompatibility. But how can a couple become so incompatible when they loved each enough to marry? How could a marriage that started out with such love, and perhaps still have the love, go so wrong? How can two people who perhaps still are so much for each other end up not liking each other or themselves?

Often the problem lies in an area that’s least expected, with ourselves. We simply don’t like who we are and we strive to become who the spouse wants us to be, rather than just to be ourselves. This can be manifested in several ways. Women get breast enhancements, even though they are beautiful as they are. Men take pills to to enlarge parts that are absolutely fine as is. Another man gives up his particular favorite pastime and does only what the spouse likes to do. One woman goes and buys herself an entire new wardrobe of clothing trying to look sexier for her husband. Still another spouse gives up their entire existence and becomes a virtual clone of their spouse, trying to be exactly like them in an effort to feel more wanted and loved. Another woman wants to control everything her husband does, telling him how to act, think, dress, work, who his friends are, etc. All of these relationships are doomed because the people in them simply do not love themselves.

Before embarking on a relationship, we need to learn to love ourself first. Self love doesn’t mean that we love ourself over another. It means we love and accept ourself as we are. It means we don’t change who we are, our very identity, in order to please another. It means we work to grow and if something in us needs changing, we work to change that something, not for another person but to better ourselves.

To be truly happy in a relationship with another person, we have to be happy with who we are as a person. We can’t not like ourself and expect to be happy. We can’t be at odds with ourself and who we are and be happy. We can’t pretend to be something or someone we are not and be truly happy or love ourself. We can’t be happy and at peace if we are living in the past and not accepting ourselves as we are. But when one has had a troubled past, how can they learn to love who they are and find that happiness?

The answer is learning to let go. Letting go of what we cannot change or undo is a first step in releasing the past to be just that, the past. No matter what happened, what you did, what someone else did, it’s all gone. Instead of punishing yourself for what can never be changed or relived, allow yourself to forgive and move on with life. Punishing yourself by denying yourself happiness and love won’t change anything that’s already happened.

We have all done things and had things done to us that hurt. Sometimes we won’t allow ourselves to be happy or to love ourselves because we think that in loving ourselves or being happy, it diminishes what we did or what was done to us. We think that we deserve to be unhappy or feel unloved and unwanted. We have the mindset that whatever happened in the past is reason for us to keep our present and future miserable, thinking that’s payment for a past we can’t change. Nothing can be further from the truth!

Not allowing yourself to be happy or love yourself as you are is not hurting someone from the past, but it is hurting you and probably someone that cares deeply for you. Punishing yourself for something that’s gone isn’t the answer. Letting go, forgiving, moving on, learning to really like yourself, and being happy with the one that truly cares for you just as you are, that’s where it’s at. Remember that a person who truly cares for you won’t ever hold the past against you, and you shouldn’t hold it against yourself either.

Now is the time to start loving yourself. Focus on what YOU like about yourself, not what anyone else thinks. Remember that in learning to love yourself, you aren’t out to please the rest of the world, just yourself. If you find something that you don’t like about yourself, work on changing that. But only do it for you! Allow yourself to be yourself! Don’t try to be someone you’re not or something you’re not. Be happy with how you look, how you think, how you feel, how you love, how you believe, etc. Realize that you are a beautiful person and allow yourself to see that beauty in yourself.

When you feel you are ready for a relationship again, don’t go for someone who wants to change you. Don’t go for someone who makes you feel that you aren’t good enough as you are. Don’t get involved with a person that won’t allow you to be yourself. Don’t go for someone whose idea of love is for you to lose your identity in order to make them happy. Go for the person that accepts you for you, all of you, as you are. Go for the one that makes you feel like you can be yourself, that isn’t out to change you, that loves you exactly as you are, that listens to you, that understands you, that wants you for you, not some fantasy they want to fulfill.

In learning to love yourself, you have to see and believe that you are loved as you are, that you are wanted as you are, that you are beautiful as you are, and most of all that someone is wanting someone just like you. When you realize that you are indeed lovable as you are and you love yourself, that feeling will carry over into your relationship. The confidence you have in yourself will enable you to love the other person as they are and to accept them as they are, making for a relationship that will go the distance and withstand the storms that come in life.

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One of the hardest things to do in life is to let go of a relationship. No matter what the cause of a breakup, learning to let go just often isn’t easy to do. It could be the one that got away, a first love, a spouse, a boyfriend or girlfriend, or unrequited love. Regardless of the situation, learning to let go of what’s over is often a very difficult thing to do and the hurt can often last for years if a person simply won’t break the hold.

Recovering from the horrible pain and hurt of a broken relationship is no easy task. When love is found, one naturally wants to believe it will last forever. And it’s great when it does. But when it doesn’t, the hurt and pain can be devastating. But even more devastating can be the pain and suffering the person experiences from not letting go of what’s gone and moving on with living.

Turning off feelings for someone isn’t like turning off a light switch. When a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean the feelings disappear or go away. Being left alone with feelings of emptiness, loneliness, anger, grief, rejection, and despair can prove to be overwhelming. The person might find themselves attempting to contact the other person, making up reasons to be where the other person is, calling them repeatedly, etc….anything to keep in contact with the other person or have some kind of hold or attachment still with them. And while it’s a natural thing to want to do this, it prevents us being healed of the relationship.

In order to let go and live again, the past must be closed. It is impossible to live in the past. You can’t look forward to a future when you live in what was, rather than in the here and now. What has happened is gone, and no amount of wanting, wishing, or regret will undo or changed what’s already happened and is over with.

To put closure on the past, you have to let go of the feeling that you can’t make it without the other person. Feelings of failure, trying to contact the person (unless you have children together), dependency, guilt, resentment, and anger… all of these feelings must be dealt with and brought under control. While they are normal to feel, continuing to harbor them keeps you from being healed of the hurt, and therefore keeps you from living and being happy again.

Often when a relationship ends, one or both parties have the mindset that they are a failure. They measure their self worth by whether a relationship lasted or died. One’s self worth should never be measured by another person, but rather how they are. When you love yourself, you will learn that your self worth does not revolve around another person but rather is enhanced by the other person.

While there is just no way to magically heal the pain and hurting of a lost relationship, there are ways to help yourself heal. The main thing is that you have to allow yourself to want to heal, and not keep clinging to something that you simply cannot change.

Stop beating yourself up over the past. It’s done, it’s gone, it’s not changing. No matter who is at fault for the breakup, no amount of blaming yourself or feeling guilty will undo the past. Forgive either the other person or yourself (or both) and allow yourself to be happy again.

Unless you have children together, stop contacting the person. Don’t try to be where they are, don’t call them and leave them messages, don’t email them, don’t follow them around. Leave them alone! Continuing to attempt to be in contact with them (unless you have kids) does nothing but harass them and keep you tied to the pain.

Go out on dates with others and actually enjoy yourself. Have fun! And whatever you do, don’t spend the date talking about your ex and how much you miss them and want them back. This won’t lead to a second date! Go out and be happy, leave the worries behind. You might just find you had a fantastic time.

Allow yourself to heal from the breakup. Allow yourself to enjoy life again, to be happy. Allow yourself to heal from the past hurts and pain. Allow yourself the freedom to love again. Let go of the past, and be happy.

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