Voices For Life

America’s Greatest Tragedy: Killing Babies by Their Own Mothers
Women Ending the Lives of Babies in the Name of Convenience

Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.”

It’s one of the most horrible crimes imaginable. A woman becomes pregnant, yet instead of being filled with joy and happiness at the thought of becoming a parent, she makes an appointment and has her baby killed. The saddest of this? The baby hasn’t even taken the first breath of air, has never been held, has never been rocked to sleep … and never will. The “mom” took all that away from the baby by ending his or her life, calling it abortion.

There are far too many people that think a baby that is still in the mother’s body growing is not a baby and that it’s okay to kill the baby because it’s still in the mother’s body. Killing is killing, and murder is murder. The fact that the baby is still inside the mother’s body doesn’t make taking a life anything less than killing. It simply means the baby is still growing inside the mother’s body.

Read the article here.

Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”

Over the course of our lives, we run into an untold amount of people. Some people boast of the number of friends they have, wearing the number like a prized badge on their clothing. But what is a friend really?

A friend isn’t someone that we just put a name to a face and know a few details about. That’s an acquaintance, someone that we know of, but we don’t really know. It’s important to clarify the difference in a friend and an acquaintance because the two are very different. To have an acquaintance turn into a friend would be wonderful. But to have a friend become only an acquaintance would be a heartbreaking loss.

So how do we know who is a friend? How do we recognize them? How does a friend stand out from the throng of people that call themselves our friend, but yet really have no clue as to what a friend really is?

Friends aren’t clones of each other. They disagree on things. They don’t always see eye to eye on issues. They might have different religious beliefs. They might be years apart in age or they might be the same age. They might come from totally different backgrounds or lifestyles. So what binds them together in such a way that they become friends?

Someone who is a friend puts their friend first. They don’t consider themselves when caring for their friend. They think of the welfare and well being of their friend above their own needs. A friend listens and they encourage their friend to talk if they want to talk, and they are just there when no words are said or needed. They give new meaning to caring, because they don’t talk about caring for someone, they show it and practice it.

A friend doesn’t remind their friend of their past or how many times they failed and messed up. A friend reminds their friend that they are special and that they are loved, as they are, even when the friend doesn’t feel so loved or special. A friend doesn’t judge their friend, but neither do they tell them a wrong is right or okay. And most of all, a friend often knows their friend as well or better than the friend knows themselves.

Someone who isn’t our friend will walk away when the storms of life hit. In fact, they will not just walk away but rather run away as fast as they can. They don’t want to hear about our problems and they don’t want to be burdened with us. A friend won’t run away, they won’t turn their backs when we are at our worst, and they won’t leave us when they find out ugly details about our past. Someone who isn’t our friend will turn away in a heartbeat, and no doubt blame you for their turning away.

Someone who isn’t really a friend cannot possibly understand you because they don’t know you. Sure, they might know your name and a few details about you. But they don’t know you. A friend knows you, they understand you, and they care for you like no one else does.

As time moves on, a friend becomes more than a friend, the friend turns into family, someone that you simply cannot imagine your life without. They do indeed stick closer than a brother (or sister), they become a part of you. The idea of them not being a part of your life is unimaginable. And how did they become such a meaningful part of your life? They were a friend, they showed themselves friendly, and the friend became family.

When a person boasts of having so many friends, an untold number of friends, it doesn’t impress me because they don’t obviously know what a friend is. When a person is honored and blessed to call someone their friend, that does impress me, because that person knows what it’s all about.

Earn Cash for Writing

We all put off things that need to be done. But when it becomes routine to leave necessary tasks unattended, it’s possible that we have turned into a procrastinator. Procrastinators put off things that need to be done, on a regular basis. There are ways to help break the cycle of procrastination.

Some people put off doing things out of fear that they won’t do the task correctly, believing that they will fail in whatever they do. So they simply put off doing things, believing that they will only mess up whatever they are doing anyway. Instead of trying, they give in to the belief that they can’t do it, so why even try.

No one is perfect. We all mess up, we all fail at times, and we all make mistakes. But without trying, we cannot possibly succeed. In order to succeed, we have to try, we have to make an attempt at doing what needs to be done, and not procrastinate. And if it turns out that we do indeed mess up after we tried, there’s usually always a next time to try again. Instead of putting off what needs to be done, just do it and hope for the best.

Often it just seems that the tasks at hand are too overwhelming, that there is simply too many things that need to be done. Rather than tackle one task at a time, we simply don’t do any because we don’t know where to begin. Making a list of things to do and keeping an ongoing plan can help to alleviate the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Determine what needs to be done and make a list, with the more needed tasks at the top. Set aside an amount of time per day to do the things on your list. Appoint a certain day and time to do certain tasks. Having a set routine for certain tasks can help establish a regular pattern for getting things done, thereby helping to stop procrastination.

Tell yourself that whatever needs to be done will be done to the best of your ability, and that no matter how a task turns out, you did the best you could. Give a project your best effort, and know that if you tried your best, you didn’t fail. Each time you do something that seems to be too much or too overwhelming, keep this thought in the back of your mind. Seek to please yourself only, and to be satisfied with your accomplishment.

If you are a chronic procrastinator, rewarding yourself for accomplished tasks can be a nice self esteem booster. This can be something like frosted sugar cookies or chocolate, or renting a favorite movie. Keeping an ongoing plan of action that’s up to date gives you something to physically see, helping to reduce the amount of procrastinating.

Focus on the here and now. If you procrastinated in the past and didn’t get tasks done that needed to be taken care of, don’t beat yourself up over it. Each day is a new beginning and a new chance to take care of business. Instead of reminding yourself of what you didn’t do that needed to be done, tackle one task at a time and take it one task at a time. We can’t undo yesterday, but we can do today.

Make lists of priority goals, short term goals, and long term goals. This helps to take away the feeling of being overwhelmed at the sheer amount of tasks that need to be completed. Keep an ongoing list of daily things to do, weekly things, monthly, etc. Remember to reward yourself for a job well done.

Don’t allow the fear of failure or of what someone might think take control of you. Procrastinating only puts off what needs to be done. The fact that we procrastinate doesn’t undo the need for tasks to be accomplished. Keep focused on the goals you have listed. Once you have established a routine for accomplishing tasks, the procrastination will be gone.

Earn Cash for Writing

Low self esteem isn’t a rare thing among the human population. A surprisingly high number of people suffer from low self esteem. Often a person who has a low self esteem doesn’t love themselves, making the feelings even worse.

Low self esteem stems from a variety of issues. A person might have been ridiculed often as a child by their parents. Perhaps the person has felt that no one really understands them. Maybe the person was made fun of by other children over something like a speech problem. Whatever the cause, low self esteem can cause the person suffering from it to not only not love themselves but to feel like they aren’t good enough, that they don’t count, or that no one really loves them.

Sometimes, though not always, the person with low self esteem will lash out at others in a vain attempt to try to make themselves feel better or to raise themselves up. They feel the need to try to make another person feel as bad or as low as they feel in order to try and make themselves feel better. This attempt seldom works however, because they have failed to address the issue or issues that have them feeling so low to begin with. Attempting to bring another person down not only fails in bringing the other person down, it only makes the one suffering from the low self esteem feel worse and want to lash out even more.. They continue to seek a way to make someone else feel bad so that they don’t feel bad.

And the cycle continues because they are still suffering from low self esteem and they still don’t love themselves. There is an alarming number of people that even resort to cutting themselves in an attempt to feel better about themselves, seeking some measure of control over something they cannot control. But the cutting doesn’t make anything better, because again, the issues causing the low self esteem have not been faced or addressed.

Building your self esteem and learning to love yourself isn’t all that difficult, but it does take effort on your part. Start by realizing that no amount of downing another person will resolve whatever issues are plaguing you. To try and berate others doesn’t hurt anyone but you. It only keeps you in the cycle of low self esteem and prevents you from healing and loving yourself.

There will always be negative people with negative behaviors, and chances are they will project that negative energy onto you. A person with low self esteem will often take to heart anything negative thrown at them, and sink even lower. Rather than allow someone to make you feel bad over their bad behavior, consider the source that the bad behavior is coming from. Are their negative actions towards you really about you at all? Or are the negative actions simply a projection of their own feelings of low self worth? When you determine that it’s not even about you, but rather about them, then you can easily deflect the issue and not allow it to bring you down.

Begin each day by thinking of one thing that you really like about yourself. This can be your hair, your compassion for others, your ability to make others smile, or that you make a great pot of chicken and dumplings. As you do this each day and discover things about yourself that you like, you will begin to feel better about yourself, and your self esteem level will rise. And before you know it, you will find that you actually not only like yourself, but you love yourself too.

Enlist the help of those that love you to help build your self confidence. Those that know you best and care for you are the ones that can help you see how special you truly are. Remember that someone who really knows you has most likely seen you at your worst and they didn’t leave. These are the ones that can help you to build your self esteem.

When your mind has been conditioned to believe that you are no good, that you have no value, that you are worthless, then you will believe these things about yourself. A child who is told enough times that they are stupid will eventually believe that they are indeed stupid. Their low self esteem will carry into adulthood.

You can rebuild your self esteem by reversing the effect. If you tell yourself long enough that you are of value, that you do matter, that you do count, that you are indeed a beautiful person, that you are important, then eventually you will believe this to be true. Your self esteem level will rise, you will find yourself loving you.

Replacing the negative and bad thoughts with good and positive thoughts will soon leave no place for the negativity. Some people might need to constantly work at keeping their self esteem level at a high level. For others, once the issues are worked through that brought your self esteem down, you have it made.

Building your self esteem up will not only make you a happier person and give you peace, it will improve your relationships with others. It will also allow you to better see people who seek to only to bring you down by trying to berate you so that you can eschew from those types of people.

Whatever the issues that causes a person to feel so low, there is a way out. Facing whatever caused you to feel this way opens the door to healing. Knowing that words do not make you who you are, that another’s opinion of you doesn’t make you who you are, and that those who care are right there with you can help you to have high self esteem. Love yourself, you’re unique!

Earn Cash for Writing

When my oldest child was born 17 years ago, it was obvious to me immediately that something was different about him. I had no idea at the time how all the dreams I had for him before his birth would change.

My pregnancy wasn’t all that abnormal. I had gestational diabetes and had excellent prenatal care. I was considered high risk because of the gestational diabetes. Otherwise, I had no problems. When I went into labor, everything was going fine, and then things changed quickly. I had an emergency c-section because I stopped dilating and the baby’s heart rate had slowed to a dangerous level.

For the first four years of his life, my son would scream often and his attention span was almost nonexistent. He had speech problems, and he was incredibly hyperactive. Going out to eat and going to church became almost impossible. Even going to the store to shop took at least two people, but more often four, just to help control my son so that I could shop and take him with me.

I had taken my son to regular doctors and he would be calm, leaving them to say there was nothing going on with him. By this time, I was convinced it was all in my head and that this was normal behavior for a child. I hadn’t been around a lot of babies or young kids, so I had little to compare his behavior to other than my original feeling that something was very different about him.

As a baby, he could not stand to be held. He would go stiff as a board and scream. Hugs were almost impossible. Trying to hold him resulted in screams most of the time. Getting him to go to sleep at night became a nightmare in itself.

Then came public school, and my second child. My son started Pre-K at the age of four, and it turned out to be a blessing. His teacher immediately picked up on his behaviors, and after seeing him around a room full of other children, his behavior stood out like a ship on the open ocean. She began to make daily notes of his behavior for me, of the screaming, the barking, the hitting himself, the need for his own personal space, the lack of social skills. Another parent told me of a good doctor and I made an appointment.

He was diagnosed with PDD or Pervasive Developmental Disorder, part of the autism spectrum. And he was diagnosed with ADHD, Tourette’s Syndrome, and Apraxia of Speech. He was put on Ritalin and his first pill was something that I can never forget. It was like the child looked like my child, but he was calm and wasn’t screaming. In a room full of other kids his age, he acted much like they did. He didn’t stand out anymore.

Later Risperdal was added for his mood swings, and that was later changed to Geodon because of the weight issues connected with the Risperdal. He still had learning difficulties and social issues, but his behavior was greatly improved.

Unfortunately for all the good the medicine did for his behavior, it did nothing for the autism. He couldn’t stand his clothes on him, and he was always pulling at them. Socks bothered him the most, where the seams on the toe area rubbed on his foot. He could be playing near a dozen kids, but he couldn’t play with them, only around them. He was still always in his own world. But he discovered that he loved hugs.

By the time my oldest turned twelve, I made the decision to pull him and his brother out of public school. They had kept him on the same grade level (2nd and 3rd grade) for going on five years, and I knew he could do better. We started homeschooling, and he caught up those five grade levels in one year. He could learn but he needed to be taught in a different manner. He still is behind what would be considered right for his age, but he has made great strides and has even acquired a love for reading.

When I was expecting my son, I had dreams of teaching him so much. I had dreams of him becoming anything that he wanted to be, of him marrying and having kids, all those things most parents dream of for their kids. After his diagnosis, those dreams became just that, dreams. Reality took over. As he has grown into a young man, he wants to learn to drive. I had thought of teaching him, but it seems that’s another thing that will be only a dream.

Now at 17, he has been off of meds for almost a year. His behavior gets a little out there at times, but he calms down quickly and even hopes to be able to get a job soon. That’s another bridge we will cross when we get to it.

Earn Cash for Writing

Anyone that parents a special needs child knows the stress that usually accompanies the parenting of the child. The stress level can sky rocket, and if you don’t have some backup help and/or respite care for yourself also, the stress level can become overwhelming.

There are no easy answers on how to raise a child with special needs. Every child is different, as is every parent in their parenting methods. But the stress level is invariably there. Handling the stress is necessary in order to provide good care not only for your child, but for yourself and the rest of the family as well.

The main thing a parent with a special needs child needs to know is that they are not alone. There is help out there! Even if you are a single mom raising a child or children alone, there is help. It’s up to the parent however to realize that it’s not a sign of failure as a parent to need and accept help in caring for your special needs child.

A special needs child that also has sever anger issues can send a parent’s stress level shooting through the roof. Discipline for a special needs child is often very different than the way you would discipline a child without special needs. So a parent is often left feeling helpless and not knowing what to do, and feeling they have no where to turn in getting a break from parenting. In fact, a lot of parents actually feel guilty for even wanting a break, let alone taking one. The idea of a few hours away from their child makes them feel as though they are failing their child as a parent. For some reason, some parents feel that to parent their special needs child, that means being around them and caring for them 24/7 without any outside help.

Parents need to take a break! Hire a competent babysitter, even a nurse if needed, get family to help, ask a friend for help! The point is get out of the house alone or with your spouse for a few hours and enjoy yourself. You cannot change the issues your child may have. You cannot change the fact that the child needs to be cared for and looked after. You cannot do much to change a child that has sever anger issues. You generally cannot stop the stress that is bound to occur from parenting special needs children. But you can get a break, you can get out a few hours a week alone to unwind, and you can get help to allow you to get that much needed break.

Special needs kids are special indeed and we love our kids very much. But we as parents need to be able to unwind and relieve the stress so that we are better able to parent. Never feel guilty for needing to ask for help!

Earn Cash for Writing

What happens when we or another family member denies there is anything *wrong* with their child? None of us want something to be the matter with our child. But denial can stand in the way of treatment. So what do we do?

Let’s say, for example, that you know your child is autistic, or mentally retarded, or any other *unseen* disability. The child is diagnosed by a doctor. Yet your spouse, or close family member, refuses to believe or admit that their child could be anything less than perfect. They cannot *see* anything wrong with the child, although they know the child acts differently. Having someone living in denial is hard on you, but harder for the child.

One thing that all parents should know is that there are no perfect children. None of us are born without some type of flaw. Human nature dictates that. For those of us that have children with autism, we know it’s hard. It’s hard to admit at times that our child does not act like other children, or talk like other children. But for some parents, it’s impossible to admit. So they go into denial.

So what can you do to bring the person in denial around? How can you help them understand? There is no set answer, but there are ways to help.

One idea is to find some basic reading material about the disability, gives the diagnosis and the symptoms of that disability. For the parent in denial about autism, for example, showing that parent the symptoms of a child with autism might help a lot. Tried that and it didn’t work?

Try finding an Autism Society Chapter in your area. Having had a new one recently begun in our area, I can attest to the fact that the support meeting are wonderful! Take your spouse or other person in denial. Being around other parents of autistic children can help the one in denial tremendously, not to mention give you both tons of support and information.

What if these ideas don’t work? What can you do if they just won’t read anything or go to a meeting? Perhaps their frame of mind is, “That’s my child and I know them better than any doctor does!” Is there any hope?

There’s always hope. It’s understandable that a parent doesn’t want their child to be anything less than perfect. But remember, no one is perfect. Yes, some of us have disabilities. Some of us have kids that are disabled. Some disabilities are more disabling than others. But regardless, we are the parent. Part of our responsibility as a parent is to care for and provide for our children. How can we provide for that child adequately if we are in denial? If we have it set in our mind that there is nothing wrong with our child, when there is something wrong, how are we caring for and providing for their mental, educational, and medical needs? If we are in denial, we are not.

For the parents who live with someone in denial, time heals a lot. Perhaps that parent has to deal with hopes and dreams gone up in smoke. Maybe they wanted a son who would play football, and yet their son can not catch a ball, and does good to throw it, being uncoordinated. Maybe there were dreams of college and a career for a daughter, yet the daughter cannot get past a third grade level at 12 years old. Dreams, hopes….there are new dreams and new hopes.

Dreams can change. Plans can change. People can change. Make the effort to see your child for who they are, not who you want them to be. See them for what they are……disabled. Don’t make excuses for them. Don’t pretend it’s not there. Just because you cannot *see* a disability, that doesn’t mean it’s not there.

Get out of the denial, and get into the job of raising your kids the best you can. Get them the help they need, whether that’s speech help, bed wetting help, medicine if they need it, therapy for the social problems, special services at school, etc.

You are the parents and care givers of the special needs child. There is no shame in having a loving child that doesn’t express herself in the same manner as others, that has a speech problem, that wets the bed past the accepted age……that needs the parents to accept her as she is.

Earn Cash for Writing